New Bug Entered

Title:

Coffee cup is empty (Incident number 24,078).

Repro Steps:

1. Observe coffee cup.
   • Expected Results: Coffee cup should have coffee in it.
   • Actual Results: Coffee cup does not have coffee in it.

Status Update

Re: Coffee cup is empty (Incident number 24,078).

The Bug “Coffee cup is empty (Incident number 24,078)” was resolved by getting up, going into the kitchen and pouring myself another cup of coffee.

Second New Bug Entered

Title:

Coffee cup periodically becomes empty for unknown reason.

Repro Steps:

Warning: The precise process for reproducing this Bug is unknown. I have no idea why this intermittent Bug is occurring.

1. Fill cup with coffee.
2. Observe coffee cup periodically.
   • Expected Results: The coffee cup should always have coffee in it.
   • Actual Results: Sometimes the coffee cup does not have coffee in it. I have no idea what causes this to happen.

Status update from Product Management.

Re: Coffee cup periodically becomes empty for unknown reason.

You are drinking the coffee you fool. Our Coffee Cup product does not currently have and automatic refill feature. That feature is planned for the future. We may be able to get to that feature in the year 3025.

Stop reporting these Bugs, please.

Status update from tester.

Re: Coffee cup periodically becomes empty for unknown reason.

I have no memory of drinking the coffee. However, I acknowledge that it is remotely possible that I did drink the coffee without realizing what I was doing.

I will do as you requested and stop entering these “Coffee cup is empty” bugs.

Is there any chance we can get to the automatic refill feature before the year 3025?

Every time you fart, Fate rolls a 20 sided dice. The variable R represents the result.

• If R is equal to 6, 10, 14, or 20 you are launched into space in a random direction at Warp 9.999.
• As long as you are traveling at Warp you are safe. The Warp bubble contains an enclosed environment that supports life.
• You will remain at Warp for precisely 2 * R hours.
• When you drop out of Warp you will continue moving straight forward at the same speed you were traveling at when you entered Warp.
• You do not have the ability to survive in space without life support.

If you had this ability, how would you survive?

Being a high ranking general must be difficult. One problem you may run into is that you must choose your words very carefully. Otherwise the following might happen…

General: Hands assistant cold food that needs to be reheated. “Nuke this for me.”
Assistant: “What yield of atomic bomb should I use, sir?”
General: “What are you talking about?”
Assistant: “You asked me to nuke this. I need to know what yield of atomic bomb to use.”
General: “You asshole. Nuke is slang for microwave. I want you to heat that up in the microwave for me.”
Assistant: “Sorry sir. What settings should I use?”
General: “Microwave it on high for 1 minute.”
Soldier: Very well sir!

Being a high ranking general must be difficult. One problem you may run into is that you must choose your words very carefully. Otherwise the following might happen…

General: “Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure”. Stops paying attention and as a result does not hear the soldier reply.
Soldier: “Very well sir!”

…

Some time goes by. There is an atomic bomb detonation at the target that was being discussed earlier.

…

General, shouting at Soldier: “You asshole. It was just a famous quote from a famous movie. It was not an order.”

…

Hopefully there are many safeguards in place to keep this from happening in all militaries that actually have access to atomic bombs. If not, may god have mercy on us all.